Check back for updates on my trip to the UK and the amazing things God is doing in the city!

Sunday, January 24, 2010

My God Has Rescued Me

As I was sitting, listening to tonight's message at church, I kept thinking, "I should feel something. Maybe I'm not listening close enough. I should feel something." Nicole spoke about the decisions we make in life that effect so many parts of who we are. She talked about how we are all....stupid. We all make stupid decisions. We all have regrets. Therefore, wisdom looks different for each person because each person is fighting a different battle. As she was talking about these "bad decisions" that we all make, I couldn't figure out why I felt peace. I would almost force my mind to go in the direction of my past and where I've been. Somehow, my mind wouldn't stay there long.

Towards the end, Nicole said, "I know talking about this can sometimes make us feel horrible for things we've done or decisions we've made, but our past is gone. God makes all things new." It was in that moment that I realized what it was. If I had heard this message two years ago, I would have been a mess. A crying, blubbering mess. This sermon would have wrecked me. But now, I'm free! I felt nothing, because I'm free. And I didn't feel nothing, I felt JOY. I was filled with joy. I've been rescued from my crap, from my pain, from my regret, from my past. I've been rescued. I've been saved. I've been freed! I am free!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


I've been thinking it's a shame that I've lost all my previous posts from my old blog.
But then it donned on me, "They're still there!"

So, if you'd like to read through the "archives", you can do so at

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

God is Not a Vending Machine

I was praying earlier today about what God wanted to speak at small group tonight. As I was praying, God brought to mind the verse in Matthew that says, "Come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest." I thought to myself, "Ooo! That's a good one!" Then God said, "Come to me. I will give you rest. Do not get impatient or frustrated if you do not hear Me speak. You will find rest in my presence alone. Sit. Soak. Know that I am God." I immediately wrote it down. I was so excited at how profound it was that I put my things away and started doing something else. "Great," I thought, "this is good! I'm good to go!"

Moments later, I was thinking about it and was suddenly convicted about how I had so quickly cut God off when He gave me what I wanted. I took it and ran with it. I decided He was done speaking and decided I knew what He was doing and that was that.


This got me often I treat God like a vending machine. How often I get so wrapped up in what I'M doing that I only turn to Him when I need something. When I need an answer or guidance, I simply sit down and pray and wait for the answer. Kind of like putting money in a vending machine. I sit. I wait. And slowly the spring starts to turn and God starts to speak. Then, viola! God speaks and I'm good to go! I take it and leave. (Sometimes without even remembering to take my change.) God is left standing there saying, "Wait! You forgot me! I wasn't finished!"

Then there are times when I get no answer at all. Kind of like when you put your money in the vending machine and the cookies get stuck. Naturally, I want to shake the machine. Get angry and frustrated. Maybe even kick it a few times. (Everyone knows that'll totally help the situation!) Until I finally walk away disappointed that I spent my time/money and got nothing in return. This happens often when I don't hear God speak. I get frustrated. Impatient. I give up and do something else.

It's a selfish and convicting feeling to think that I treat my relationship with my Savior this way.

Relationship with God is not about what He can do for me. He longs, so much, to have my all. He longs to have my undivided attention. My whole heart. My time. He wants me to pursue Him the way He pursues me. He wants me to notice that He pursues me.

While I was at small group, I was looking down at the words I'd written earlier. I couldn't wait to share what the Lord had said. Then He said, "No Tia. This is for you. Don't you see? I want to give you rest. I want to love you. I want you to sit with me and know that I am God. Do not be discouraged or impatient if I don't speak. There is rest in my presence. This is what I have for YOU. I want YOU. I have so much more for you if you'd only sit and wait on ME."

God is not a vending machine.

I sit here humbled with a sober awareness of His place in my life and how much I take that for granted. God is my teacher and my compass. I am grateful for His presence. How sweet that is! I will rest in this place.
Simply, rest.