Hope

The last two weeks have been challenging but have only confirmed how much I'm supposed to go on this trip. It seems as though every day brings new and ridiculous challenges brought on by spiritual warfare. Although, through it all, I've been able to remain calm and hopeful. I know that God is in control. I know that God will provide.

Two weeks ago, I was wondering how I'd even come up with $100 (which was our first payment due last Monday). I thought to myself, "if I'm wondering where I'm going to get $100, where in the world am I going to get $4,400?!" It was that Thursday night that I sat in my car calculating the $20 gifts I'd received that week. I had just been given $40 before I got into my car. As I added it up, I realized I was only $15 short of the $100 due on Monday. It was then that I knew this fundraising has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God. I'm now seven days from the due date of our next payment, $700, and I'm once again crunching numbers. I'm slightly short of the $700 but I know that God will provide just enough just in time.

Last Tuesday, I lost my job. They laid me off. I've never been fired or laid off. I've always left jobs on my terms. This is the first time I've had to process leaving a job under these circumstances. I know, however, that I'm not alone. I realize I share this burden with thousands of people. I thought about weather or not it would be a good idea to go on this trip since I lost my job. I thought about how people would think of me raising support when I don't have a job. I came up with a million excuses for why it won't work. Then I realized, they are excuses. God has made it clear that He wants me to go on this trip. He has made it clear that I'm to let go of excuses. I believe He'll make it happen. I have hope. I have faith that I'll find a job. I have faith that God will stir the right people to give.

In this moment, it seems impossible. I believe, however, that God chooses these times to act miraculously! Because it's in these times I find faith. I will look back and have no doubt in my mind that it was God that got me through it. It's these times that people look back at and know He IS the great provider.

"Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." - Isaiah 40:31

I'm going to the UK!

I'm excited to announce that I’ll be going to Northern Ireland and England (The UK) on May 10^th through May 25^th! I had my reservations about the cost and the timeline, but God has spoken very clearly to me about this and I know He wants me to go. While I realize it’s coming up very quickly, I know that God can make things happen in HIS time.

Would you prayerfully consider becoming part of this ministry through sending me financially? A gift in any amount would help me get closer to my goal.

The total cost of the trip is $4,400. (This cost includes transportation, housing, food, insurance, conference fees, and unpaid time off work.) This money is needed somewhat quickly. In order to know whether or not I’ll be able to travel, I must have $700 raised by March 15^th, 2010. Since I will be traveling with my friends from the Mile High Vineyard Church, all donations will be tax deductible.

As many of you know, the last few years have been instrumental to discovering my heart for Northern Ireland. Four years ago, I was at church watching a promotional video for a trip they were planning on taking to Northern Ireland. I watched as they interviewed a teenage boy and asked simple questions like, "What did you do today?". And then I witnessed something that has forever changed my heart. This young boy answered these questions like any teenage boy would, however, there was an obvious tone of anger and resentment to it. Every other word was a swear word. He seemed so careless and angry. My heart broke. My heart broke to think of a place where kids have grown up in such opposition and spiritual segregation that they've become bitter, angry and violent. God has stirred my heart in so many ways over the last 4 years and I truly believe in His heart for reconciliation in this country that is so torn by politically driven religious differences.

A bit more about the trip:

Belfast, Northern Ireland - We will be spending time in Belfast, meeting with leaders at the Vineyard church and discussing the things they are doing there. (http://www.belfastcityvineyard.org/2/)

Causeway Coast, Northern Ireland - Then we will go up to the Vineyard church in Causeway Coast (http://www.causewaycoastvineyard.com/) where we will be putting on a conference. Jay, our pastor, will be speaking and we will have the opportunity to pray for and minister to people. We will also be participating in an ongoing ministry they have there called “Healing In The Streets”. Once a week, they take to the streets and pray for people.

London, England - Then we will head to London, where we will attend the New Wine Leadership Conference. (http://www.new-wine.org/) Jay will also be speaking and we will have the opportunity to pray for and minister to people there as well.

The payment due dates are below and I would be blessed by any amount of support you can give me.

March 1^st - $100 is due

March 15^th - $700 is due

March 29^th - $700 is due

April 15^th - $1000 is due

May 3^rd - $1900 is due.

If you would like to be part of this mission through your financial support, please make your check payable to The Mile High Vineyard and write my name on a separate note. (Please don’t write anything in the memo line of the check.) Checks can be mailed to The Mile High Vineyard at 5608 Yukon Street, Arvada, CO 80002. All contributions are tax deductible.

Thank you, in advance, for your support! If you have any questions, or would like to be a part of my email updates before, during and after the trip, please email me at starfishfaith@gmail.com. I appreciate your support in every way as I head off on this journey. I consider it a privilege to invite you to participate with me in the great challenge and hope that awaits in the UK.

Soldier

Four years ago, I was sitting in church as I watched a promotional video for a trip they were taking to Northern Ireland. I watched as they interviewed a teenage boy and asked simple questions like, "What did you do today?". And then I witnessed something that has forever changed my heart. This young boy answered these questions like any teenage boy would, however, there was an obvious tone of anger and resentment to it. Every other word was a swear word. He seemed so careless and angry. My heart broke. My heart broke to think of a place where kids have grown up in such opposition and spiritual segregation that they've become bitter, angry and violent.

I will never forget that moment. It was that moment that began stirring my heart for Northern Ireland. I find myself longing to know more about the history and the culture. I have so many questions. I've read history books. I don't read history books. I don't even like to read! Last year, I was at a bar on St. Patrick's Day listening to an amazing U2 cover band and wanted to weep when he played "Sunday, Bloody Sunday". I have felt this transformation in my heart and I am forever changed and fascinated by a culture that's overcome so much and, yet, still lives in the shadow of such pain and segregation.

About three weeks ago, I found out our church was thinking about taking a team to the UK. I immediately felt like I was going to jump out of my skin. Over the next two weeks, I prayed about weather or not I should go. Initially, there was no doubt in my mind that I should go. Then, after discussing it and thinking about it further, I decided it might not be the best trip to go on based on the fact that we weren't going to Belfast. Over the course of the last year, God has focused my heart, specifically, on the Belfast area. I have met so many people, randomly, who have either just moved here from Belfast or were originally from Belfast or are just visiting from Belfast. (I've gotten downright giddy about it.) So I decided that, as much fun as it would be to spend two weeks in London and a couple days in Causeway Coast (which is what I originally thought the plan was), I knew that my heart would be in Belfast. I knew it would be difficult to know I'm so close to where I know I'm supposed to be, and yet I wouldn't get to go.

This last Sunday, the church held an interest meeting for the trip. Although I had pretty much made up my mind that I wasn't going to go, something told me I should still go to the meeting. During announcements at church, Nicole said, "And just a reminder; there will be an interest meeting after the service for anyone interested in going on the UK trip. We will be spending time in Belfast, Causeway Coast, and London." My heart jumped to my throat. Did I hear that right? Did I miss something? Wha?

As Jay began to speak, he started to challenge us re-think the ways we live relationally. He noted 2 Timothy 2:3-7 and the parallels between the characters mentioned. (The soldier and the civilian. The athlete. And the hardworking farmer.) All the while, I'm still thinking to myself, "did she really say Belfast?!" God began stirring something in me. Towards the end of the sermon, Jay said something about missing out because you're not willing to do the work. I started feeling convicted for all the times I've made excuses and missed out on opportunities God had for me. I heard God say, "you claim defeat before you even get to the starting line." Ugh. That didn't feel good.

As I prayed into this, the Holy Spirit fell on me and I started weeping. I realized how much my excuses get in the way of all that God has for me. I realized that it's time to stop making excuses. It's time to start trusting in God's provision. I then heard the Lord say, "it's time to stop trying so hard to be a civilian when I've clearly called you to be a soldier." Then I knew. I knew it was time for me to go.

It's time!

I was suddenly aware of the fact that I made the excuse earlier that, "Oh, well, this trip isn't exactly what I think it should look like, so I'll wait for something else." In the moment, it felt right. God intervened and said, "No. I'm not going to let you excuse yourself out of this one. You're going. You're going to Belfast. You're going to Causeway Coast. You're going to London. I have plans for you. I want to use you."

Talk about an overwhelming evening.

I went to the interest meeting and was tempted to think, "there's no way I can come up with that much money in three months!" However, I stand here and look back on all that God has done to get me to this point and I am able to see the bigger picture.

No more excuses.

I'm looking forward to what's ahead, knowing that it might not work out the way I hope, but I know God is in control.

I can honestly say, this is one of the biggest leaps of faith I've been challenged to make. Financially, it does not make sense for me to go on this trip. I'm barely getting by since my pay was cut last fall. I've seen God provide for me in so many ways in the last couple months and I know he knows my needs. He knows I'm going to have to raise two weeks salary on top of the trip cost. He knows I don't have a penny to put towards it. He knows. I have to trust that.

So I'm leaping.

I have hope that I will get there. I have hope that, in the end, I'll look back and there will be no doubt in my mind that it was God who pulled me through.

My God Has Rescued Me

As I was sitting, listening to tonight's message at church, I kept thinking, "I should feel something. Maybe I'm not listening close enough. I should feel something." Nicole spoke about the decisions we make in life that effect so many parts of who we are. She talked about how we are all....stupid. We all make stupid decisions. We all have regrets. Therefore, wisdom looks different for each person because each person is fighting a different battle. As she was talking about these "bad decisions" that we all make, I couldn't figure out why I felt so....at peace. I would almost force my mind to go in the direction of my past and where I've been. Somehow, my mind wouldn't stay there long.

Towards the end, Nicole said, "I know talking about this can sometimes make us feel horrible for things we've done or decisions we've made, but our past is gone. God makes all things new." It was in that moment that I realized what it was. If I had heard this message two years ago, I would have been a mess. A crying, blubbering mess. This sermon would have wrecked me. But now, I'm free! I felt nothing, because I'm free. And I didn't feel nothing, I felt JOY. I was filled with joy. I've been rescued from my crap, from my pain, from my regret, from my past. I've been rescued. I've been saved. I've been freed! I am free!

Archives

I've been thinking it's a shame that I've lost all my previous posts from my old blog.
But then it donned on me, "They're still there!"
So, if you'd like to read through the "archives", you can do so at
www.on-wings-like-eagles.blogspot.com

God is Not a Vending Machine

I was praying earlier today about what God wanted to speak at small group tonight. As I was praying, God brought to mind the verse in Matthew that says, "Come to Me all who are weary and I will give you rest." I thought to myself, "Ooo! That's a good one!" Then God said, "Come to me. I will give you rest. Do not get impatient or frustrated if you do not hear Me speak. You will find rest in my presence alone. Sit. Soak. Know that I am God." I immediately wrote it down. I was so excited at how profound it was that I put my things away and started doing something else. "Great," I thought, "this is good! I'm good to go!"

Moments later, I was thinking about it and was suddenly convicted about how I had so quickly cut God off when He gave me what I wanted. I took it and ran with it. I decided He was done speaking and decided I knew what He was doing and that was that.

Yuck.

This got me thinking...how often I treat God like a vending machine. How often I get so wrapped up in what I'M doing that I only turn to Him when I need something. When I need an answer or guidance, I simply sit down and pray and wait for the answer. Kind of like putting money in a vending machine. I sit. I wait. And slowly the spring starts to turn and God starts to speak. Then, viola! God speaks and I'm good to go! I take it and leave. (Sometimes without even remembering to take my change.) God is left standing there saying, "Wait! You forgot me! I wasn't finished!"

Then there are times when I get no answer at all. Kind of like when you put your money in the vending machine and the cookies get stuck. Naturally, I want to shake the machine. Get angry and frustrated. Maybe even kick it a few times. (Everyone knows that'll totally help the situation!) Until I finally walk away disappointed that I spent my time/money and got nothing in return. This happens often when I don't hear God speak. I get frustrated. Impatient. I give up and do something else.

It's a selfish and convicting feeling to think that I treat my relationship with my Savior this way.

Relationship with God is not about what He can do for me. He longs, so much, to have my all. He longs to have my undivided attention. My whole heart. My time. He wants me to pursue Him the way He pursues me. He wants me to notice that He pursues me.

While I was at small group, I was looking down at the words I'd written earlier. I couldn't wait to share what the Lord had said. Then He said, "No Tia. This is for you. Don't you see? I want to give you rest. I want to love you. I want you to sit with me and know that I am God. Do not be discouraged or impatient if I don't speak. There is rest in my presence. This is what I have for YOU. I want YOU. I have so much more for you if you'd only sit and wait on ME."

God is not a vending machine.

I sit here humbled with a sober awareness of His place in my life and how much I take that for granted. God is my teacher and my compass. I am grateful for His presence. How sweet that is! I will rest in this place.
Simply, rest.

Christmas 2009

I got a laptop for Christmas! This has inspired me to resurrect my blog. I find myself in Denton, TX on this day, December 25th, 2009. I left Denver on the 23rd in a blizzard of snow. I waved goodbye knowing that I'd have to leave my white Christmas behind. As fate would have it, it snowed last night....in Denton, TX!! Oh it was beautiful! I got a white Christmas after all! I've really enjoyed spending time with Patrick's family and getting to know everyone better. It's always fun to see what other traditions families have on Christmas. Last night, we had a huge dinner with lots of family. We played games until 2am and woke up early to get ready for the festivities. We exchanged gifts, had brunch, and enjoyed the rest of the day. It was a wonderful day!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!